How to find(?), no rather create(!) meaning in life. The seven secrets

How to find(?), no rather create(!) meaning in life.  The seven secrets 

   - Dr Gustav Gous

You will never find meaning in life. Just open your eyes and look around you. Loved ones dying too early. Not finding a life/love partner. The ugly things people do to each other: Hurting each other, infidelity in relationships, backstabbing. Just read the news: senseless killings, and fanaticism. Just observe the business world: Greed and selfishness. Not even to mention the endless corruption in politics ... 

No wonder many people lose faith in the endeavor called life. Some give up, others become super sceptical, disgruntled and disillusioned. The saddest part is that some even walk off the playing field of life through suicide. 

But why is it that some DO NOT lose faith in life? What is it that they know and do, that others don't? They have this unique ability to find true happiness and even meaning in life, despite the ugly surrounds. They never give up. What are their secrets? I am going to share seven secrets that I have seen in action. 

Obviously I try to practice this myself, but I mostly observed it in the lives of people I admire.  I have the privilege to work with some of the most successful people on earth . I observe their behavior and ask them their secrets of success.  

The starting point is that you must stop looking for meaning in life, and start to create it.  Joseph Campbell said:  'Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer.'

Let's unpack this. 

1 Born with three big quests: One unresolved 

We are all born with a lack of knowledge, a lack of comfort and a lack of meaning. This gives rise to our universal quest for knowledge, comfort and meaning. Two of these questions have been answered quite adequately: 

Science solved the quest for knowledge to a great extent. We are not ignorant anymore. We know a lot of things nowadays.

Technology solved the second quest for us. We are not uncomfortable anymore. If you have a microwave oven, you have a better kitchen than kings of medieval times.  

But the quest for meaning is the elusive one. We see further with our telescopes, and deeper with our microscopes, but do we see meaning in what we see? It is as if this question mark doesn't become smaller but bigger. 

2 The prism of meaning

The philosopher HW (Hennie) Rossouw was confronted with this deep question of meaning after the death of his son, Hans. According to him (in his book "The meaning of Life // Die sin van die lewe") we experience life as a given or a gift,  a journey, and a mission or task.  We start out in life, starry eyed in awe and wonder of all we discover and see. But this amazement soon goes over in disillusionment through the many bad things we experience and have to witness.  Many people stay stuck in this state disillusionment. There are unfortunately too many disgruntled pessimists on earth. They have lost faith in everything. 

In a state of disillusionment you feel that you are drifting, you have lost your way, and you have lost meaning in what you do. Nothing is meaningful anymore.

The quest for meaning, beamed through a prism, refracts into three more questions: 

1. What is the Foundation of my existence ?

2. What is the Direction of my existence ? and 

3. What is my Task or Purpose on earth ?

But if you rediscover new answers to these valid questions, then things can change again.

3 The big misunderstanding: Victor Frankl helps and hinders

The nail in the coffin, for our quest for meaning is the wrong premise or starting point that we must search for meaning, with the belief that in some way we will find it. And if bad things happens we are determined by what happens to us and we are destined and doomed to a life of disillusionment.  It is part of the deterministic Freudian school that we are determined by our past. Victor Frankl , Freud's successor, aptly pointed out that we are not determined by what happened to us. We are merely influenced by what happens/happened to us. He demonstrated in his own life that even the Nazi death camps couldn't take away his ability to create meaning in the situations. He found him a new task in the situations and, in a seemingly dead end, never lost faith. 

His well known book 'Man's search for meaning" became the 'bible' for everyone who doesn't want to get stuck in a victim mentality, but know that you can be victorious in every situation.  It is not what happens to us, but how we react to what happens to us. (His name was aptly 'Victor' Frankl and not "Victim" Frankl). 

But it is ironically this book title that helped to give rise to the misunderstanding that you can search for meaning and find it. The title should have been: "Man's (the human) ability to create meaning in any situation."  But how? - that is the real question. I would like to put forward seven ways to create meaning,  that I have seen in action throughout the years. My real hero's in life are my clients who demonstrated that it can be done. 

I agree with Joseph Campbell: 'Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer.'  You will never find meaning, but you have the ability to create it in every moment.   

  

4 The seven secrets of creating meaning

4. 1. Create yourself

The starting point is correcting another misunderstanding. The mistake I made as a much younger man was to go on a quest of 'finding myself". If only I realized earlier:  Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself.  Once you realize this, then you also realize that you are the person responsible to create meaning from life.  

4. 2. Create meaning in the moment

The meaning of life is that it has to be lived. One of the easiest ways to create meaning is to live in the moment.  It is to discover your ability to make every moment special. To make from the ordinary the extraordinary. It is to savour the moment. It is to see the present as ... a present, a gift to use. It is to enjoy the beauty of the sunset , even if you are imprisoned. It is to enjoy that cup of tea/coffee, even if it is the only thing you can afford at the moment. People who can enjoy the simple things can also enjoy the great things.  

In every day and age this concept is re-branded as if it is new.  Call it, a "sense of now-ness' , call it 'mindfulness", but do not just call it something -- rather do it. In every moment.  

4. 3. Create out of the bad

Meaningless things are not meaningful as such.  Some things are just terrible and horrific. And to add insult to injury: Cheap answers. Loved one died -  another flower in the heavenly garden? Realy? Please. People are disgruntled with these  cheap answers . Bad is bad. And good is good. But that is not the last word. 

The good and the bad are mere building blocks that you can use to build your life. If you know you can turn every threat into an opportunity, then you know you can employ the bad, and use it to your advantage.  It was the apostle Paul that said that you can turn every threat into an opportunity.  When he was thrown into jail, he saw the opportunity.  He wanted to preach the good news , and now he had a captive audience!  My father always pointed out to me that a desert is the result of too much good weather.  It is the storms in life that brings the best new growth. Can you think back of a time in your life where you went through a real tough time? If you think back: Did that time bring growth to your life?  Yes? Then why do we curse the bad things in our life so often?

What happened is surely not good. But you can create good from the bad.

4. 4. Create meaning and purpose intentionally in the opportunity

We must not wait for life to happen. The most important thing to do, is to take control. When I asked my wife Annelize her wisdom on this topic, her reply was: You must live intentionally. Do not allow life to happen to you, you must happen to life.

Great meaning is experienced if you live your life purpose.  For that you have to work my Life purpose formula:  People are born as a solution to a problem. Connect your talent to a need in the world and you create great meaning.   Pablo Picasso said:  'The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.'  David Viscott said the same: 'The purpose of life is to discover your gift. The work of life is to develop it. The meaning of life is to give your gift away.'

4. 5. Create meaning over a longer period

The mistake people make is that they think that they must achieve full meaning in life in their first decades. So many people witness to the fact that they had done unrelated seemingly meaningless things, and then later in life the plan comes together.  Then the sum total of experience equips you to do really significant things. 

Take a longer view of life. Sometimes experiences that appear meaningless, become the building blocks for bigger things. 

4. 6. Create it beyond yourself

The greatest self-inflicted joy in life is to live beyond yourself -  beyond your selfish needs and to live for others, or give your life for something bigger than yourself.

An eye seeing itself , is blind. An eye that looks through itself to something else, achieves it's purpose. It is in giving that we receive. One byproduct of giving , is that we also receive a deep sense of meaning

4. 7. Create it in an higher order

 Back to the three questions of the philosopher HW Rossouw. He said the quest for meaning, beamed through a prism, refracts into three more questions: 

1. What is the Foundation of my existence

2. What is the Direction of my existence  and 

3. What is my Task or Purpose on earth

But what if you discover that not new, but age old answers  are in actual fact the answers to these questions?   

 Is the 

1. Foundation of my existence  not perhaps FAITH?

2. Direction of my existence  not perhaps HOPE?  (before and after death)

3. My Task or Purpose on earth not perhaps LOVE? 

Is there not perhaps a higher order that must be tapped into? The age old answers of faith, hope and love. 

Many years ago I saw the book title: "Christ, the meaning of history". and the equation: God is love. The one thing I do know is that the greatest meaning in life is experienced and created through love. Langenhoven,  South African Politician and author, said: Two things make life bearable, the love that I gave and the love that I received. 

Love is something you make, something you create. Love is an action.

Perhaps we must rediscover the meaning of life in the person of Christ - the embodiment of love. 

The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return. And that is something you can do in any circumstance.  

If you want more information on how to make counselling/coaching appointments or book dr Gustav Gous for motivational talks, contact admin@gustavgous.co.za 

If you want  interventions for your team: Contact +27 12 3455931   0r  0845138312 (Speak to Karen) or email gustav@gustavgous.co.za to discuss possibilities. 

Disclaimer:    Important notice to you as the reader:  Although the life coach (dr Gustav Gous) provide certain recommendations, the sole and final responsibility for decision-making remains your own and that the life coach or anybody associated to him and his company Short Walk Seminars Pty Ltd cannot be held responsible for any of your choices and reactions. You, the reader, must take full responsibility for your life, reactions and choices.  

www.gustavgousonline.com 

Dr Gustav Gous  is an International Motivational Speaker and Executive Life Coach with experience on 5 continents. He 

was the in-house counselor for the petro-chemical company Sasol for 9 years. He is known for his Transformational leadership programmes on Robben Island, titled the “Short Walk to Freedom”. 

He is a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) and past President of the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa and a member of the APSS (Asia Professional Speakers Singapore).  Currently he is heading up the Diversity Intelligence Institute, specializing in rolling out Diversity Intelligence interventions for 

international companies. His leadership caps does for leadership what De Bono's thinking hats did for creativity and problem solving. His Coaching programme on national Radio in South Africa RSG FM 100-104 "Fiks vir die lewe" touches the lives of many South Africans.  gustav@gustavgous.co.za    drgous@iafrica.com     www.gustavgous.co.za , www.diviin.com ,

Follow him on Twitter: @GustavGous  or on Facebook and LinkedIn .