Sunday, May 15, 2016

What’s wrong with a rut? When and why to get out of it … if necessary!

What’s wrong with a rut?  When and why to get out of it … if necessary!
Dr Gustav Gous

What’s wrong with being in a rut – as if it is a bad thing? We all create ruts - routines, behaviour patterns, habits - to produce results. We cannot live without ruts.  The dictionary definition of a rut is :   rut 1  (rŭt)  n.  1. A sunken track or groove made by the passage of vehicles.


If a rut produces good results, or the rut, road or track takes you to good places, why get out of it?  

But a ‘rut’ also gets bad press in the dictionary:   It is  2. An uninspired routine or pattern of behavior that one continues unthinkingly or because change is difficult.

A rut is therefore just a bad name for a routine, behaviour pattern, or a habit. In this blog I will give you the guidelines on when and how to get out of your ‘rut’.  “Ruts’ must be evaluated in conjunction with results. The problem is not ruts, the problem is that your current rut, routines, behaviour patterns or habits, are perhaps not producing the results you want to get out of your life.

You sometimes you must ask: Is’nt there more to life than wake up, work yourself to death, go home,  eat, watch TV, sleep, repeat 5 days in a row, and over weekends watch sport and have a party with friends?

The solution is not to do away with ruts.  We cannot live without them – we are creatures of habit.   The solution is:

1.        First to determine what do you want out of life.  Reconnect with your ‘why’ in life.
2.       Then you ask: How happy are you with your life? Are you fulfilled?  Give yourself a percentage. Or a mark out of 10.  If it is not 100% then  you must ...
3.       Understand cause and effect:  Your current patterns, ruts, habits, behaviour patterns produce your current results.  Is your current habits serving your purpose or bringing the happiness that you long for?  Dr Phil, of Oprah fame, has this nasty way of unmasking bad habits: He always asks: ‘And how’s it been working for you?’  If not, then discontinue the habit.  You must realize: “If I continue to do what I do, and think what I think, I will continue to have what I have”.
4.       Then identify and make a choice:
-          Which ruts serve my purpose? Then keep them . but even with good patterns you must ask? Isn’t the good the enemy of the better? Improvement must be continuous.
-          Which ruts does not? Then throw them out and replace them by better ones
-          Which one’s are half good but cause problems or are incomplete?  Then tweak them or
-          adapt them.
5.       The, get a plan or a program to help you redesign your life,
6.       Then start doing it.  In doing so you will cement behaviours into benevolent patterns (not uninspired ruts)  that will serve your life purpose and produce the outcomes you long for.  It starts with new thinking:  New thoughts are the seeds of deeds:  Sow a thought, reap an action, sow an action, reap a habit, sow a habit, reap a character, sow a character, reap a destiny.

The bottom line is:  There must be a balance between a winning recipe and “when last did you do something for the first time”.!

Live according to two principles:
(i)                  Connect your ruts or patterns to outcomes / results.   Current ruts – current results.  If you are not happy with current results, then change your patterns.  
(ii)                The way to change your patterns is to Get a Life plan,  a plan to redesign your life , habits for better outcomes. The Get a Life one day workshops that I do serve this purpose!

 If you want more information on how to make counselling/coaching appointments or book dr Gustav Gous for motivational talks, contact admin@gustavgous.co.za 
If you want  interventions for your team: Contact +27 12 3455931   0r  0845138312 (Speak to Karen) or email gustav@gustavgous.co.za to discuss possibilities. 

Disclaimer:    Important notice to you as the reader:  Although the life coach (dr Gustav Gous) provide certain recommendations, the sole and final responsibility for decision-making remains your own and that the life coach or anybody associated to him and his company Short Walk Seminars Pty Ltd cannot be held responsible for any of your choices and reactions. You, the reader, must take full responsibility for your life, reactions and choices.  


www.gustavgousonline.com 

Dr Gustav Gous  is an International Motivational Speaker and Executive Life Coach with experience on 5 continents. He 
was the in-house counselor for the petro-chemical company Sasol for 9 years. He is known for his Transformational leadership programmes on Robben Island, titled the “Short Walk to Freedom”. 

He is a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) and past President of the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa and a member of the APSS (Asia Professional Speakers Singapore).  Currently he is heading up the Diversity Intelligence Institute, specializing in rolling out Diversity Intelligence interventions for 
international companies. His leadership caps does for leadership what De Bono's thinking hats did for creativity and problem solving. His Coaching programme on national Radio in South Africa RSG FM 100-104 "Fiks vir die lewe" touches the lives of many South Africans.  gustav@gustavgous.co.za    drgous@iafrica.com     www.gustavgous.co.za , www.diviin.com ,
Follow him on Twitter: @GustavGous  or on Facebook and LinkedIn .  

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Lousy apology? How to apologize and when to forgive.

Lousy apology? How to apologize and when to forgive.


by dr Gustav Gous

Many of my clients ask:  What must I do if my spouse, partner, child (or even my business partner or local politician) offers a lousy apology.  Must I accept it and forgive? Or assert my right to ask for a better apology .
 In this very short blog I want to share the basic elements of a good apology. If you messed up – make sure to use it as guideline on how to offer a good apology.  If you were on the receiving end of wrongdoing, then you can use it as a grid to know what to look for in a good apology.
A good apology should include;
1.     1. A direct reference to the behaviour, wrongdoing at stake and a detailed account of what happened.
2.     2. An acknowledgement that it had negative effects (damage, loss or hurt)
3.     3. Taking full responsibility for the action/behaviour
4.     4. A full apology and statement of regret
5.     5. Specifically asking for forgiveness
6.     6. A statement on what is different? - and that it will not happen again (a promise is not good enough). If nothing is different, it will just re-occur.  
7.     7. An explanation on what he/she will do to rectify the situation and what restitution will be involved.
 When any of these elements are missing, or talked away with flimsy excuses, the apology is not complete.  General references like: “Sorry for what happened”, or “I am sorry that it turned out this way”, is not good enough and not sufficient. Any conditional apology is also not making the cut: “I’m sorry but …. It wasn’t actually me” or “I had this or that reason …”. The worst is: “Sorry that you took it up in this way”.  

The best way to look at it is to ask:  If my child came to me offering this lame excuse, how would I have reacted. Obviously pointing out where it was not yet done in the correct way.
A very recent example was the President of the Republic of South Africa, Jacob Zuma, offering an apology to the nation, after being found guilty of violating (failing to uphold) the Constitution of the RSA.
The Church can be said is to be in the forgiveness business.  But when the Anglican archbishop, and the South African Council of Churches, said they think it is a lame apology and that they do noit accept it, it created quite a furore.     I include the web-link to the full text of the President’s apology   http://ewn.co.za/2016/04/01/Full-text-of-President-Zumas-speech-on-Concourt-Nkandla-judgment.  Judge for yourself if his apology fulfils any of the requirements of a good apology. According to me it doesn’t even come close.
The basic message is:  Before you forgive: Listen carefully to the apology addressed to you. Even the bible says repentance and forgiveness must go hand in hand with the changing of your ways.

Furthermore it must also be debated if repentance must always lead to reconciliation – which is another matter.  


If you want more information on how to make counselling/coaching appointments or book dr Gustav Gous for motivational talks, contact admin@gustavgous.co.za 
If you want  interventions for your team: Contact +27 12 3455931   0r  0845138312 (Speak to Karen) or email gustav@gustavgous.co.za to discuss possibilities. 

Disclaimer:    Important notice to you as the reader:  Although the life coach (dr Gustav Gous) provide certain recommendations, the sole and final responsibility for decision-making remains your own and that the life coach or anybody associated to him and his company Short Walk Seminars Pty Ltd cannot be held responsible for any of your choices and reactions. You, the reader, must take full responsibility for your life, reactions and choices.  




Dr Gustav Gous  is an International Motivational Speaker and Executive Life Coach with experience on 5 continents. He 
was the in-house counselor for the petro-chemical company Sasol for 9 years. He is known for his Transformational leadership programmes on Robben Island, titled the “Short Walk to Freedom”. 

He is a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) and past President of the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa and a member of the APSS (Asia Professional Speakers Singapore).  Currently he is heading up the Diversity Intelligence Institute, specializing in rolling out Diversity Intelligence interventions for 
international companies. His leadership caps does for leadership what De Bono's thinking hats did for creativity and problem solving. His Coaching programme on national Radio in South Africa RSG FM 100-104 "Fiks vir die lewe" touches the lives of many South Africans.  gustav@gustavgous.co.za    drgous@iafrica.com     www.gustavgous.co.za , www.diviin.com ,
Follow him on Twitter: @GustavGous  or on Facebook and LinkedIn .