Self-confidence is attractive. It is a skill that can be learned

Self-confidence is attractive. It is a skill that can be learned.

The best thing a woman can wear, is self-confidence. And the same can be said of a man. A strong self-image and self-confidence is the foundation of all great achievements. The opposite is also true: Nothing holds you back more than your own insecurities. You self-image is like a thermostat: It can hold you back and make you trip out before you reach your full potential.

I want to make the statement that self-confidence is a skill that can be learned. It is also one of the 32 strengths listed in the Gallup StrengtsFinder Test. Here are 5 steps to acquire the skill of self-confidence and to sharpen the strength.  

Everybody does not start equal in the game. It helps if you had a childhood where you were affirmed and could naturally develop a youthful self-confidence. But all is not lost for those who grew up in circumstances where everybody, including your parents talked you down, instead of up.

With or without a current strong self-confidence, here are 5 steps to build a solid self-image and self-confidence.

The pre-work is to understand what a self-image is: It is what you think about yourself and how you see yourself – not a ‘what-others-think-of-me’-image. So take your self-image back, own it, and start to work with it.

1.       1. Make a DECISION:  Start with the INTENTION: “I can …” 

Nothing out there or inside yourself can prevent you to someday just stand up and say: I believe I can! If I believe I can, I am  right and if I believe I can’t I am also right. So why not start with the belief I can. You do not need 50 people to affirm you first – just start with the intention. It is a good enough starting point. This must be followed by positive self-talk. Talk yourself up and not down.

2.       2. Then live TRUE to yourself, live in INTEGRITY

You must become more of what you are. But too many people live their whole lives trying to find themselves. Instead they must realize: Life is about creating yourself. Know what you are and then become better at it. Realize you are made of the right stuff - you are a diamond, and what shape of diamond you are, and then start to shape yourself,

3.       3. Develop COMPETENCY  and expertise in the field you want to excel in

The attitude of ‘I can’,  must be followed by the action of building knowledge, skills, ability and expertise. Without that you will be just an arrogant bag of wind.  The task here is just to start, and not to be afraid of failure. The person who believes he/she can, will also build confidence in failing forward.  Only those who do nothing, don’t make mistakes.  But those who know they can learn from their mistakes, can build self-confidence, because they are getting better all along. It is all about the confidence-competence loop.  The better you become the more confident you become, and the more confident you are, the better you perform. This is how you BUILD confidence - through doing and improving. 

4.       4.Then go for REPEATED ACTION or momentum

The only thing that will cause you not to freeze in front of a big audience, will be the deep down knowledge that I have practiced and exercised this thing over and over and over again.  Big match temperament is not born but created through the discipline of repeated exercise.

5.       5.Surround you with a POSITIVE COMMUNITY.

Lastly you must do yourself a favour to surround you with people who talk you up and not down.  Distance you as far as possible from the PHD-people – the Pull Him/Her Down people.  Sometimes you have such a family member or spouse, and it would be difficult to get them out of your life, but at least you can choose your group – make therefore sure that there are more positive people in your life than negative ones.  They do not determine you, but you can make it easy for yourself to function in a positive circle of influence/influencers, who believe in you and cheer you on. A person with a positive self-image will also listen to the most negative feedback from enemies, weigh if there are any truth in it, and use it to grow and improve. They act upon it if they discover that negative feedback is valid.

Lastly: What about arrogance?  Arrogance is step 1: A strong self-belief without the discipline of steps 2-5. Arrogance is also usually a dead give-away for a low self-image. A person with a strong self-image projects him/her  with confidence, not arrogance.  A self-confident person’s acts speak for themselves – and he/she doesn’t have to brag about it!

Use the five steps to build your self-confidence and self-projection.

If you want more information on this, contact admin@gustavgous.co.za 
If you want  interventions for your team: Contact +27 12 3455931   or email gustav@gustavgous.co.za to discuss possibilities. 

Dr Gustav Gous  is an International Motivational Speaker and 

Executive Life Coach with experience on 5 continents. In the past he 

was the in-house counselor for the petro-chemical company Sasol 

for 9 years. He is known for his Transformational leadership 

programmes on Robben Island, titled the “Short Walk to Freedom”. 

He is a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) and past President 

of the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa and a 

member of the APSS (Asia Professional Speakers Singapore).  

Currently he is heading up the Diversity Intelligence Institute, 

specializing in rolling out Diversity Intelligence interventions for 

international companies. His leadership caps does for leadership what De Bono's thinking hats did for creativity and problem solving. His Coaching programme on national Radio in South Africa RSG FM 100-104 "Fiks vir die lewe" touches the lives of many South Africans.  gustav@gustavgous.co.za    drgous@iafrica.com     www.gustavgous.co.za , www.diviin.com ,

Follow him on Twitter: @GustavGous  or on Facebook and LinkedIn .