Delivered of (?) a prince. By George! George of Cambridge, Mandela of South Africa and the trauma of farm murders. Connecting the dots …

Delivered of (?) a prince. By George!  George of Cambridge, Mandela of South Africa and the trauma of farm murders.

Connecting the dots … 

  

By George! Lesson # no. 1: Baby delivery is not a DHL-style delivery of a parcel but rather to be delivered from something that can harm you if it stays too long inside.

Was it only me who found the wording of the royal baby announcement displayed on the easel in front of Buckingham Palace strange? “ …the Duchess of Cambridge was delivered of a baby ….” 

In older video footage they said Diana was ‘delivered of a prince’.  Delivered of (?) a baby?  Perhaps it was my bad English (my second language) that caused me to think that a baby is delivered almost like a parcel, not necessarily by a stork (although the picture did enter my mind), but almost like a DHL delivery. My expectation was that the delivery agent in this case was Duchess Catherine and that she laboured hard through a painful process to deliver a royal baby to the British nation, a heir to the throne, a future king to a number of commonwealth countries. But the actual wording on the easel has more of a ring of the wording in the Lord’s prayer: “…deliver us from evil …” Delivery here in the sense saving you from something that can harm you.

Having being fortunate to be physically present at a number of births, I am to this day still in awe of the miracle that plays out when a child is born. The pain of separation brings not only new life to the baby but also new life to your wife who can now recover and continue with her life without having to carry the one she nurtured inside her body forever. I should have known: In my mother tongue an Obstetrician is called a “verloskundige” – literally translated as a ‘saving-scientist/doctor’! Perhaps we forget the fact that it is dangerous for the health of the mother and the child if the baby stays too long on the inside: 266-270 days normal – anything more than 285 days is dangerous and detrimental to the health of mother and child. Then the childbirth must be induced by the doctor – the ‘saving-doctor’  - to deliver her of the baby.

So Kate was delivered of the baby, and young prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge was delivered from the womb, which could have become his prison if he stayed in too long. Little George is now free to be a great leader one day. Who knows:  Perhaps he (like all princes and kings in story books of my children) will do great deeds in years to come: With a lion-heart he will be brave and he will deliver the goods by delivering his nation in critical moments in history from whatever is threatening them. 

Lesson # no. 2: Delivery comes from within: Leaders must be liberated before they can lead.

This is where Nelson Mandela comes in. His most famous quote:  “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.” His greatness lies in the fact that he was liberated from within. In other aspects he is just like other leaders with their good and bad points. But he was great because he knew he had to be delivered of hatred before he could lead. Without being delivered from within, he could have been consumed by hatred and destroyed a nation. South Africa’s neighbour Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe is currently destroying his country because he was never delivered from within …

Lesson # no. 3: A friend, life coach, father, teacher, speaker, counsellor helps others to be liberated from things on the inside that harm them.

The farm murder? In my daily work I do also trauma counselling. Assisting a family after their father was brutally murdered on a farm in South Africa, we sat around a table discussing: The culprits will hopefully be soon behind bars as a result of their horrendous acts. But we shared: The family will not be safe and secure if they only introduce new security measures. They will only be victorious if they don’t  allow this happening to replay in their minds every day. They won’t allow the terror agents any mind space. They will win - not in finding meaning in a senseless killing – that is impossible. But they will use the human ability to create new meaning and find new motivation. In doing so, they will be even better off after the tragic loss of a beloved father. They will be prepared but not be paranoid. They will be diligent but not vindictive. They will create meaning instead of being consumed by hatred. They will be free and the culprits will be in jail. Actually in two jails: The one behind bars, and the prison of hatred and greed, that a murderer carries within.

Not the recent Mandela Day celebrations, or the birth of a Royal baby, inspired me as much as the bravery of a South African farmer family, who knows their victory lies in not in being safe from the outside but being free from the inside.  Their father was not saved from the attack, but they are delivered from the inner hatred that could have poisoned the whole family.

They will go from strength to strength, and continue to be leaders in their farming community because they understood the concept of being “delivered of …”.

Thank you George of Cambridge.

Dr Gustav Gous  is an International Motivational Speaker and 

Executive Life Coach with experience on 5 continents. In the past he 

was the in-house counselor for the petro-chemical company Sasol 

for 9 years. He facilitated in numerous Trauma counselling sessions

after industrial accidents. He is known for his Transformational leadership 

programmes on Robben Island, titled the “Short Walk to Freedom”. 

He is a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) and past President 

of the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa and a 

member of the APSS (Asia Professional Speakers Singapore).  

Currently he is heading up the Diversity Intelligence Institute, 

specializing in rolling out Diversity Intelligence interventions for 

international companies.   www.gustavgous.co.za , www.diviin.com ,

www.diversityconference.co.za    gustav@gustavgous.co.za    drgous@iafrica.com

Follow him on Twitter: @GustavGous  or on Facebook and LinkedIn .

Open letter to President Obama: We need a Statue of Responsibility on Robben Island please.

Open letter to President Obama:
We need a Statue of Responsibility on Robben Island  please.

Dear president Obama,

Let me cut to the chase: You are visiting Robben Island today – a place of enormous symbolism. I want to make a bold request. Please consider a symbolic gift to us in the form of a statue:   Yes, a big statue to be erected on Robben Island, to be called the Statue of Responsibility .  We all know that the statue of Liberty was a gift of the French nation to the American people. We all know that the powerful presence of  lady Liberty in New York (on Liberty Island), is an inspiration to many. Wouldn’t it be great if you can return the compliment and give a symbolic Statue of Responsibility  to  the people of South Africa, Africa and the World, as a gift from the American people, to be erected on Robben Island where Nelson Mandela was imprisoned.  

Why a statue of Responsibility? We all know that freedom & responsibility (should) go hand in hand like a fish & water. Where things go wrong is where people fight for freedom but forget to act responsibly once they attained freedom.

As USA President, carrying great responsibility, you will know  that freedom is a double sided coin.  It is best illustrated by the fact that in Hebrew there are two words for freedom: ‘hofshi’ and ‘hor’: One denotes negative freedom: “Free FROM …”  oppression, imprisonment, slavery, colonialism, etc. But that is just the starting point. The other word denotes positive freedom: “Free TO ….”  … to serve, to make a positive difference and helping others. Nelson Mandela, whose prison cell you are visiting today, was the perfect example of a leader who embraced both of these meanings of the word ‘freedom’.

All the problems in the world derive from businesses not taking up their responsibilities contributing to climate change and polluting the environment, irresponsible politicians (unlike Mandela) using their position for personal gain, fathers making babies but not taking up their role as fathers neglecting their children. Teenagers, screaming for freedom, can mess up their lives if they don’t have a sense of responsibility.  The list is endless. 

I have a confession: As students of a men’s residence we incurred the wrath of your American Embassy in Pretoria on this topic. It was rag time (charity fund-raising festival) and we toyed with the idea (and even published it) to depict the statue of liberty as a pregnant lady on one of the carnival floats. Your Embassy took offence, and despite our assurances that it was none of us who impregnated her (!?) – they wrote a letter of protest to our University principal, who  came down real hard on us prohibiting us to build a carnival float with a pregnant Statue of Liberty. We wanted to make a point similar to the following:   

Lady Liberty thought, since she symbolizes freedom, that she also must have the freedom to explore a bit and even change her dress and have a bit of fun. So she did:

But one dark and stormy night she neglected her duty to carry the flame of liberty and left her post to play with the sailors in the harbour. She threw all responsibility overboard, and thought nobody would find out – but after a while her slip was showing ….

You look like a man who can appreciate a bit of humor President Obama, but our current reality in SA is no joke. We have leaders who have to be seriously reminded that they must not abuse the freedom they got, after fighting for it so long. Some of them are blatantly using their positions of power for personal gain.

A statue of responsibility will be a soft but strong way to remind all  leaders and citizens of the world to fight for freedom, but use it responsibly. 

Your call earlier on your tour to African leaders, and the African youth was to take responsibility and hold our leaders accountable. Please consider to cement this call now with this symbolic gift. 

You are probably aware that the idea of a Statue of Responsibility was first proposed by the Austrian psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, author of  the best-selling book, "Man's Search for Meaning",  In his book  he describes how he created meaning from his prison experience  as a  surviving Nazi prisoner at both Auschwitz and Dachau. "Freedom is not the last word," Frankl wrote. "Freedom is only part of the story and half of the truth. The positive aspect of freedom is responsibleness. That is why I recommend that the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast be supplemented by a Statue of Responsibility on the West Coast."

In the late 1980s dr Frankl spoke  at the University of Pretoria, and  he then  suggested that the Statue must be erected on the other side of the Atlantic ocean in South Africa.

I also know that before his death in 1997 dr Frankl with some American friends including the late  Stephen R. Covey, started the  Statue of Responsibility Foundation and that they already commissioned the Springville sculptor Gary Price to design a monument that captured Frankl's vision. Their idea is to erect it in Utah on the west coast, but the project probably needs government input to be more than a private initiative. There is even a group in South Africa saying it must be in Port Elizabeth in the Eastern Cape in Nelson Mandela Bay.   

My request to you Mr president is: Can’t you take control of this project and get the inspired people to talk to each other and even give consideration to the fact that the best symbolic venue for such a statue would be Robben Island. I am sure it can be a beautiful part of your legacy

Why Robben Island?  Because Robben Island is our Liberty Island – a symbol of hope to the World. It does not only symbolise Freedom ( Nkululeko) - it also symbolises the fact the two leaders, Nelson Mandela and FW de Klerk took responsibility: They used their freedom responsibly to create a future for us all. You will visit Madiba’s cell of 18 years today, but I hope they also share with you the fact that  the decision by the Apartheid government to break free from the old parading and release Mandela, was also taken on the island – in the historic Guest House on the Island where they will probably offer you tea on your visit.

In the late 90’s and we started a “Short Walk to Freedom” project where we took leaders on a 4-step paradigm shift workshop on Robben Island: Captivity, Liberation, Responsibility and Leadership. Part of these workshops was to design models for a Statue of Responsibility to be erected on Robben Island. Robben Island can be the best place for the Statue of Responsibility, because on this island Madiba  had the longest part of his  long walk to freedom. Unfortunately he had a short time for leadership.  Since all of us are to some extent  prisoners without knowing (of the past, personal pain, paradigms , prejudice, etc) we must do our own short walk to freedom.  If we shorten our walk to freedom, we will have a longer time for responsible leadership. 

A Statue of Responsibility can be an international symbol to rally energy for responsible leadership.

I hope this can be part of your legacy, mr. President!

Kind regards

Gustav

Dr Gustav Gous,  MD: Short Walk Seminars (Pty) Ltd  www.gustavgous.co.za  

Call to action: Nelson Mandela’s life and death. Walk free ...

Call to action: Nelson Mandela’s life and death. 

Call your prison and Walk free ...

Everybody knows it is inevitable. We will hear one day, perhaps sooner than we want: “World icon Nelson Mandela dies”. Rafael Nadal tweeted about Mandela’s death prematurely and apologised to his 4 million plus followers – but at least he is one of the people who respects and recognises his legacy.  We know and accept: Nelson Mandela is old and frail and cannot live forever. When it happens, we will be sad and deeply touched.  We will mourn as a South African nation. Actually, the whole world will mourn the death of perhaps the most inspiring leader of the previous century. He was even the 'go-to' leader for celebrities and other world leaders such as American president Bill Clinton who came to seek Mandela’s advice during his time of serious problems.

But what are we to do in this uneasy waiting period? Send well wishes? Must we just pray for his recovery? Obviously two great gestures. But is this the best way to honour him? Or must we just sit and wait, like the protocol group of the South African state who, in anticipation of the bad news, activates the funeral and other contingency plans, every time Madiba (his tribal name) is admitted to hospital? 

No, we must not sit and wait – we must act. The best way to honour Madiba’s legacy is not just to empathize or watch with interest and emotion the media drama that will unfold. Many dignitaries will arrive with over 2000 planes expected to land, creating a media circus. Sharing in the emotion of the moment will be good (like so many did with Lady Diana’s funeral), but it is still not the best way to honour his life.  If we only focus on his great extraordinary deeds  - his  27 years in prison, coming out with forgiveness and not with guns blazing -  then it will be just reminiscing the past.  His life and death will only get real meaning if we do not only remember the past but start doing something in the present.

This blog is not a call to observation, but a call to action:  It is a call, that you actually should have started to act long ago.  The call to action is to live Mandela’s example and not to only admire his great deeds.

What is the Mandela secret?

The secret of Mandela’s legacy lies in the fact that he really was a free man. He did not only have a Long Walk to Freedom (title of his autobiography) -  being released after 27 years in prison, 18 of those on Robben Island. He was also free from hatred, the bondages of the past, the negative residual of personal pain that was inflicted on him, and free from vengeance.  All of this was possible because he embraced the concept of forgiveness. Because of this, South Africa got off the top of the world's hot spot list and became a country with a future. 

Other hot spots in the world stay hot because fighting factions perpetuate hatred. They feed it. They keep it alive. 'Live, and let live' is for example not big in the Middle East. They hate each other so much that some don't even recognize the existence of others.  Great military leaders in history loved their own people, hated their enemies, and conquered and killed them, and got written into history.  But greater leaders love not only their friends but also their enemies.  They are the ’next level leaders’, in a class of their own. They are a rare breed: few and far between. In South Africa we call these kinds of leaders ‘rainmakers’ – they bring good things to all people under the sun/ on earth. 

In this respect, Nelson Mandela, a Methodist Christian, imitated an even greater leader, Jesus Christ, who preached and lived that you must love not only your neighbour, but also your enemies. Jesus was willing to sacrifice: He died and lived for his message of love for all humankind.  Mandela said during the Rivonia trial that led to his imprisonment 49 years ago: “During my lifetime I have dedicated myself to this struggle of the African people. I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.”

Nelson in his own admittance is not a saint and he resisted being iconised, but he surely did practice the principle of forgiveness – and that unique ability made him the ‘next level leader’ we admire. He went from positional power to ‘personhood’ where people will follow him for what he is and stands for.

Two movies especially depict Mandela’s attitude of forgiveness, inclusion and love for all: 

(1) Invictus, (produced and directed in 2009 by Clint Eastwood with Morgan Freeman as Mandela and Matt Damon as Springbok Rugby captain Francois Pienaar), where Mandela embraces the then predominantly white sport Rugby, to bring about reconciliation and victory for all South Africans.  He rejects revenge, forgives his oppressors and creates national unity in an unlikely place: The Rugby field. 

(2) Goodbye Bafana (a Bille August film, 2007) depicts the special friendship that developed between prisoner Mandela and his then  racist jailer/warder James Gregory. Perhaps they discovered their common humanity in the fact that both men lost their son’s in motor car accidents, with Mandela not even being allowed to attend the funeral of his own son.  

It is beyond the reach of petty dictators to ever, get over the hurt of the past and become a next level leader like Nelson Mandela. Caught up in their own hatred, personal pain, they live a reactive life of getting back at people. A classical example is Robert Mugabe who recently criticized Nelson Mandela, saying:  "Mandela has gone a bit too far in doing good to the non-black communities [whites, mixed race and Indian people – GG] , really in some cases at the expense of blacks...," in an interview with talk show host Dali Tambo. "That is being too saintly, too good, too much of a saint," he said. Mugabe also fought for freedom, but will die in his own prisons of hatred, reversed racism and homophobia.  It will be interesting to see how Zimbabweans and the world view Mugabe’s funeral one day – who stayed in power with fear tactics and rigged elections.

Call to action

But what is the call to action then? It is plain and simple: Inspired by Nelson Mandela’s life well lived …

·         1. Call your own prison.

·         2. Then walk free from it.

·         3. Then Change your world for the better as a free leader.

First be transformed – then lead to transform. Name your own prisons. Then break free. Then use your position to make the world a better place.  In doing so Mandela’s inevitable death will not only stir up emotion, but also result in action. Just like Mandela had a long walk to freedom, you must do your personal walk to freedom.  This is to my mind the best way to honour his legacy. Because only free leaders can lead people to a better place.

My call to action to all of us is to do a ‘Short Walk to Freedom’. Mandela had a long walk to freedom and a short time for leadership. If we can shorten our respective walks to freedom, then we can have a longer time for leadership.

Since the nineties, I’ve been hosting “Short Walk to Freedom”-interventions on Robben Island on a regular basis.  There I lead senior executives and upcoming young leaders on a three step journey: From Captivity, to Liberation, to Leadership. The first step is to identify all the ‘prisons’ that hold you back and prevent you from reaching your destiny. The same prisons can hinder your company/NGO/family/community/country/political party/trade union/school or university.

Over the years we have identified more than 45 potential prisons that hold us back, including the prisons of

• ·         the past
• ·         prejudice
• ·         paradigms  (political, business, ideological, etc)
• ·         personal pain
• ·         habits  (even addictions)
• ·         fundamentalism
• ·         greed   …

and many more.  It turned into a project that will soon become a publication that will urge people to break free from everything that is holding them back.

We contemplated the following over the years:

• ·         If people get out of the prison of unresolved issues and personal pain, they will be free to have pro-active lives and not re-active lives, in relationships and business teams
• ·         If some bankers can escape from the prison of greed – then we can avoid a further global credit crunch.
• ·         If people can walk away from the prison of selfishness/immorality, then we can prevent the next Enron scandal.
• ·         If people can break free from fundamentalism, there will be less wars on earth.
• ·         If people can break free from outdated business and environmental paradigms, then businesses and the world will flourish more.
• ·         If politicians can break free from their self-serving prison and start serving the people like Nelson Mandela did, we will all have a better life for all - in South Africa and elsewhere. Nelson Mandela was a freedom fighter that fought for principles.  Many of his struggle mates are not actually freedom fighters, but proved themselves to be mere “power fighters” who aim for and cling to positions of power, for the sake of self-enrichment and family enrichment through nepotism.  Some even cling to positions of power because of the prison of fear: The moment they lose the immunity that goes with their position, they know they will be criminally charged or brought to book for war crimes.  
• ·         Bad habits are cobwebs that turn into cables – if you stay in the grip of bad habits people will never reach their rightful destiny.

My call to action is: Call your prison and walk free. Follow in Mandela’s footsteps and do your personal walk to freedom, albeit shorter.

Feel even free to contact me if you want to do your walk to freedom with me on Robben Island in the footsteps of Mandela.  admin@gustavgous.co.za

My last call to action is a smaller one:  If you can think of, or identify any type of ‘prison’ that can hold us back as individuals, communities, nations, humanity – then post it at the end of the blog or on my Facebook/LinkedIn/Twitter links. It can help us in our research project to identify as many as possible ‘prisons’ that we can break free from, and include it in our future publications.

In summary: 

If you want to honour Nelson Mandela’s legacy- then do something:  Just watching the media circus surrounding his possible death is not enough – honour his life through action.

Realize that we are often ‘prisoners without knowing’ – prisoners of the past, prejudice, personal pain, paradigms, emotions (hatred, fear), unresolved issues, addictions, and many more.  Identify your prisons, and walk free – in doing so you will liberate yourself to be the best leader you can be -  a next level leader like Nelson Mandela.

Dr Gustav Gous  is an International Motivational Speaker and 

Executive Life Coach with experience on 5 continents. In the past he 

was the in-house councillor for the petro-chemical company Sasol 

for 9 years.  He is known for his Transformational leadership 

programmes on Robben Island, titled the “Short Walk to Freedom”. 

He is a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) and past President 

of the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa and a 

member of the APSS (Asia Professional Speakers Singapore).  

Currently he is heading up the Diversity Intelligence Institute, 

specializing in rolling out Diversity Intelligence interventions for 

international companies.   www.gustavgous.co.za , www.diviin.com ,

www.diversityconference.co.za    gustav@gustavgous.co.za    drgous@iafrica.com

Follow him on Twitter: @GustavGous  or on Facebook and LinkedIn .

Conversation on Diversity Intelligence: Lenora Billings-Harris interviews Gustav Gous

Conversation on Diversity Intelligence: Lenora Billings-Harris interviews Gustav Gous

Click link to hear audio recording:
https://soundcloud.com/gustavgous/conversation-on-diversity

Conversation Topics:

•  How the field of diversity is viewed differently in different parts of the world
• Different terms for diversity in different parts of the world (inclusion, etc)
• How training differs in different contexts.
• The six ways to relate to people  and many more . Click audio link above.

www.LenoraSpeaks.com                                                   www.gustavgous.co.za  

www.aboutTrailblazers.com                                                www.diversityconference.co.za 
                                                                                          Twitter: GustavGous
                                                                                           Facebook & LinkedIn: Gustav Gous

Emotions can make or break you: From Zinedine Zidane to Oscar Pistorius. EQ as foundation of Personal and Business Success

Emotions Can Make Or Break You:  From Zinedine Zidane to Oscar Pistorius. EQ as foundation of personal and business success (Radically Revised version of an article that Appeared in  the Financial Mail: FM Mail Essentials 2013)
by dr Gustav Gous The other day I spoke to a prominent church leader who said they do not invite  any celebrities anymore to come a speak to their congregation, witnessing to  their faith.  Reason why? Because, he said, there are so few who can handle  the fame, that many celebrities are just moments away from a fall. One moment  you put them forward as an example how to live, and the next moment you have  to do damage control. Their is some truth in this because the examples of  celebrities self-destructing are too numerous to ignore. I started to wonder  what are the root causes why celebrities very often build themselves up, but  then later on, pull themselves down again. One answer can be that they do not have the strong foundation needed to be able to carry the weight of fame. You need a serious dose of emotional intelligence to be able to handle the world of fame when you are on top of your game.  But emotional intelligence is also needed just to handle normal daily life. In this blog I state that one root cause for the downfall of many (celebrities and people like you and me) is emotional intelligence, or the lack thereof. Let's revisit and analyse two incidents the recent and not so recent past involving Zinedine Zidane (the French soccer player) and Oscar Pistoius - the Bladerunner, who became the 'Bladegunner' after shooting his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp.  Let's do it with the purpose, not to judge any person but  to learn from their pain.   In my previous blog on ‘How to make sense out of a senseless killing’, I  propagated that some things are utterly meaningless but that you can create  meaning out of anything. But then only if you do not stay in shock about the  situation, or get stuck in wasteful voyeurism following every court procedure  and tweet about another dark secret, but ask the better question: What now?   And what can we learn from this? Only then can some sense flow from  horrendous tragedies.  Perhaps the most important take-away from the Zidane and Pretorius sages is that all of us must be reminded to master our emotions. Emotions must work for you – not against you. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is ‘about Feel – Think – Act’.  Importantly In that sequence. It is about thinking before you act. My psychologist  father’s voice echoes in my ear: “Think before you act Gustav”. When I applied that advice – my life went well. All the problems that I encountered in life, was a result of me ignoring that instruction. I coined  the EQ Mercedes Principle to honour his advice and use in Emotional Intelligence workshops. When you short circuit directly from’ feelings to actions’ – then the sparks fly. Road rage is about: I feel threatened and I pull out my gun out and shoot.  A few years ago a South African petro-chemical company (Sasol) requested me to do a series of Emotional Intelligence interventions in a business unit after a foreman was shot when delivering a disciplinary note to an employee. The worker felt threatened and emptied the magazine of his gun on the foreman. He went directly from ‘feel’ to ‘act’. Cold blooded murder is when you even have time to think (even only for a short few seconds or minutes), but that you don’t think straight: You choose to stick to the wrong or immoral or destructive option. In Oscar’s case both scenarios from his (1) defense team and (2) from the prosecuting authority’s side, points to the short circuiting from feeling to action. 1. I felt threatened  and I shot through the door without seeing the burglar at any time 2. Or the state would like to prove that it was some form of domestic violence: He felt angry about something and shot her in rage. Both ways he is in trouble – just the depth varies. A cool head doesn’t shoot easily.  In both scenarios he went straight from feelings to action. And if the state can prove their point and prove that there was time to think, then it was premeditated murder. It is obvious that Oscar’s situation must remind us all to master your emotions. Without emotional intelligence you can ruin your life (and the lives of others) in a split second. Handling  adversity (overcoming a disability and becoming an Olympic Champion) is great, but being able to handle your emotions and control your temper is an even greater achievement.  Ask Zinedine Zidane, who head-butted Materazzi in a moment or anger in the 2006 Soccer World Cup final. One moment off madness, then a lifetime of sadness, losing sponsorships and compromising a successful career. You can have all the talents and intelligences in the world, but you haven’t mastered life if you cannot take control of your emotions. But it is not about Oscar or any other international soccer star from the past who made mistakes. Rather ask yourself: Am I in control of my emotions or do my emotions control me? Too many people use their personality types as an excuse, or claim ‘temporary insanity’ to limit their responsibility in a case.  My point is: There are many people who discovered their girlfriends had other loyalties, and didn’t shoot them. Or had heated arguments, but didn’t resort to domestic violence, or suspected that there were burglars in the house, but didn’t shoot erratically. or had people insulting their sisters and mothers, but didn't head-butted them. Why? Because they could hold their horses when they had to. They are not loose cannons.  Any motorcar driver knows: Power is nothing without control. If you have strong emotions like a sports car - it is your responsibility to go for advanced driving lessons or anger management classes. Emotional intelligence is about self motivation and self regulation - to let your horses (energy) run. Sports people are highly motivated. They follow the Nike add: Just do it. But it is also about self-regulation: To hold your horses when you have to. One tweet recently stated: "Nike should have told their athletes (Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong, Oscar Pistorius): 'Just don't do it'." Emotional control is to be able to hold back - not to do it when you shouldn't. There are no excuses: Anybody can control their emotions. Have you seen a person aggressively arguing with another and his phone rings with an urgent call from his most important sponsor? In a split second the tone changes when he answers the phone in a professional and controlled manner. So do not claim temporary insanity when you are pressurised. Why can other people in similar situations handle their emotions and you can’t?  The call to action is: Master your emotions because sustainable success is based on emotional intelligence. How? A full blown seminar or course is needed - a blog can just point out the need. (Feel free to contact me or any other service provider in the field.) Without that (emotional intelligence training as a basis or foundation for all the other intelligences), you can scuttle your other intelligences/talents. Emotional Intelligence the foundation of Diversity Intelligence:  Emotional intelligence is also the foundation or corner stone for all your other intelligences but especially Diversity intelligence.  Any encounter with somebody that differs from yourself gives rise to strong emotions in your inner being.  Most people handle it through aggression, labeling, racist or sexist jokes.  If you have the ability to handle your initial emotions in a diversity situation, you are free to explore options to creatively deal with it. Let’s use the Zinedine Zidane example and Oscar Pistorius case to reflect on ourselves. Control what is within our control - especially our emotions. In applying emotional intelligence, our relationships, businesses, South Africa and the world, will be a better place. Dr Gustav Gous (CSP) is an International Motivational Speaker and  Executive Life Coach with experience on 5 continents. In the past he  was the in-house councillor for the petro-chemical company Sasol  for 9 years.  He is known for his Transformational leadership  programmes on Robben Island, titled the “Short Walk to Freedom”.  He is a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) and past President  of the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa and a  member of the APSS (Asia Professional Speakers Singapore).   Currently he is heading up the Diversity Intelligence Institute,  specializing in rolling out Diversity Intelligence interventions for  international companies.   www.gustavgous.co.za , www.diviin.com , www.diversityconference.co.za    Gustav@gustavgous.co.za     Follow him on Twitter: @GustavGous  or on Facebook and LinkedIn .

Bladegunner: Making sense of a senseless killing: 4 Actions

The Bladegunner-saga:  Making sense of it:  Deal with your deficiencies &  master your emotions.

We do not have to wait for the outcome of the bail hearing or the trial of the murder accused Oscar Pistorius, to start to get closure in our minds of what to make of it.  Call it thin slicing (Malcolm Gladwell-style with a long Blink!) but we have enough to work with to try to come to terms with this unsettling situation.  The harsh reality is – two lives are ruined – a beautiful model and law graduate murdered, an international and inspirational sports icon disgraced. Two families will never be the same again. Further, because Oscar was a national hero and an international inspirational figure, South Africans are traumatized and a world is in shock.   This is now the reality, and all touched by it, will have to deal with it.

There is more to know, but what difference will it make eventually if it was premeditated murder/ murder of another kind/culpable homicide; if he gets life imprisonment or get off the hook on technical legal grounds like OJ Simpson of old? The latter will be difficult in South Africa because we have a Judge ruling and not a jury that can be influenced as in the USA.

It will be sad if the only outcome is that we all turn once again into hungry voyeurs looking into the dirty linen of other people, devouring every new fact emerging in the run-up to, and playing out of the court case.  Everything in my being shouts out: There must be more to it. There must be some way to turn this tragedy into an opportunity, to create some sort of meaning out of this sad situation.

But how do we make sense out of a senseless killing?  With ‘we’ I mean people like myself, who admired Oscar for his great courage as an athlete who overcame disability,  but didn’t know him or Reeva or their families personally – only as media-personalities.

I live by the belief the many things are utterly meaningless. Come on: Show me the meaning in a life being lost and a career being compromised in this way?  But I also live by the belief that a human being has the ability to create meaning out of any horrendous situation. If Victor Frankl could create meaning out of the Holocaust and his experiences in the Auschwitz death camp – then we have a chance too. (cf his book: “Man’s search for meaning” and his resulting Logotherapy).  There was for instance, no meaning in the fact that, long ago, my two talented best friends and team mates died in a horrific accident. The fact that my psychologist pastor (dominee) dad helped me to see that I don’t have to sit depressed next to the field but that I can choose to pick up the baton that they have dropped, helped me to create meaning out of a senseless situation.  I could honour them through living 100% while I have the gift of life – activated through new motivation and not pacified by shock and pain. To this very day, I still live with the gratitude that I am alive. But I have the responsibility to make the most of life while I have it.

My friend and leadership consultant Mark Manley once stated that real change only results from disasters, new discoveries, miracles, and intense experiences. This current ‘Bladegunner’ tragedy of Shakespearian proportions has all the elements of laying the table for change – so let’s embrace it.

Instead of only trying to understand what happened, or crack the legal case, let’s rather decide to do things differently. In my consulting room I learnt that meaning is created not by understanding better, but by doing things differently. You do that by focussing on what is within your control: Your own life, and then do things differently.  Only then, the world can change for the better. It is insanity to expect different results from the same behaviour. But if you act differently your life, your relationships and even the world can become a better place, and tragedies due to your own doing can be prevented.

Therefore I give you not only four pointers, but four calls to action, that can , if acted upon, result in something positive flowing from the pain and devastation:

Call to action:

1.       1. You may polish your public side, but please deal with your dark side (internal deficiencies).  Why?  Because it will catch up with you and can eventually even ruin your life, and the lives of others. The higher you go, the more powerful you become, the more important it is to iron out internal deficiencies.  If you self-destruct, you do not only effect your inner circle but the lives of a nation.  So please resolve your unresolved issues:  It can be deep seated anger, an addiction, an obsession, your paranoia, greed, some kind of immorality, or jealousy, a neurotic drive, or a re-active life due to brokenness or pain from the past.  It is for our purposes irrelevant what Oscar’s deep deficiency was, leading to the shooting of his girlfriend.  It is more important what the deficiency of the person reading (and writing!) this article is– because it is within our control to handle. Identify it and deal with it. Heal it. Through therapy, or whatever it takes. Do yourself and the people around you a favour and sort out your issues.  Let the pain of the Pistorius and Steenkamp families, not pacify us, but activate us to deal with our own deep down deficiencies. Then their pain will not be in vain. 

2.       2. Get real and be real.  Public figures have public personas polished by publicists. But if you need a spin doctor to do damage control because your actions destroyed your public image – then you have a problem. Let’s not live a “Fakebook”-life. Be real and project your real life in the social and other media. Be consistent in your private and public life.  

3.       3. Master your emotions. Why? Because without emotional intelligence you can ruin you life in a split second. Oscar could handle adversity, but had problems handling his emotions and controlling his temper. Now that people look back there were many news reports of such incidents, including his reaction after losing one item at the previous Paralympics.  You can have all the talents and intelligences in the world, but you haven’t mastered life if you cannot take control of your emotions.  Ask Zinedine Zidane, who head-butted Materazzi in a moment or anger in the 2006 Soccer World Cup final. One moment off madness, then a lifetime of sadness, losing sponsorships and compromising a successful career.

 In Oscar’s case: A cool head doesn’t shoot easily.  Who will ever know what the truth is in their case? Reeva, the person who could tell, was killed.  What I do know is that there are many people who discovered their girlfriends had other loyalties, and didn’t shoot them. Or had heated arguments, but didn’t resort to domestic violence, or suspected that there were burglars in the house, but didn’t shoot erratically. Why? Because they could hold their horses when they had to.  They are not loose cannons.  Any motorcar driver knows: Power is nothing without control. If you have strong emotions like a sports car -  it is your responsibility to go for advanced driving lessons or anger management classes.

The question to all of us is: Do you have your emotions, or do they have you? There are no excuses: Anybody can control their emotions. Have you seen a person aggressively arguing with another and his phone rings with an urgent call from his most important sponsor? In a split second the tone changes when he answers the phone in a professional and controlled manner. So do not claim temporary insanity when you are pressurised. Why can other people in similar situations handle their emotions and you can’t?  The call to action is: Master your emotions because sustainable success is based on emotional intelligence. Without that, you can scuttle your other intelligences/talents.

4.       4. Take hart: You can recover. Oscar and all of us must know: Your last action is never the last word. Even if you have messed up badly, you can always redeem yourself  while you are still alive. But that depends on how you handle the situation. If you are guilty – confess, face the consequences, and South Africans will once again admire you and open their hearts to you. We are a forgiving bunch, as my brother-in-law tweeted from London ( @wildebees ).  But if you play a protective ‘spindoctor’  game and the legal process catches you out, you will have lost our respect, and the real game – the Game of Life.   But let’s leave you to your game and rather focus on our own game and ask a ourselves constantly: Am I a winner in the Game of Life? Yes or No?

The 4 calls to action can be our take-aways from the ‘Bladegunner’- saga, but we could have learned this earlier: From other sportspeople, politicians, artists, actors or business people who turned their lives upside down through their own doing:  Hansie Cronje,  Ryan Giggs, OJ Simpson, Zinedine Zidane, Lance Armstrong, Saddam Hussein,  the Enron scandal leaders:  Kenneth Lay, Jeffrey Skilling, Andrew Fastow  (which brought auditing firm Arthur Anderson down), and every greedy banker who caused the global credit crunch (and got away with it).  I wonder: When will we ever learn?

For those who want to learn: Remember:  Meaning is created out of meaningless situations not by understanding better, but by doing things differently.

Then we can add more calls to action including that (5) South Africans must change the way they treat women,  (6) do motive cleansing and become abundance drive instead of deficiency driven,  (7) deal with guilt in the appropriate way, and most important (8) that we must become  whole people  who do not break others through our own brokenness.  (Let’s save that for future blogs).

Dr Gustav Gous is an International Motivational Speaker and Executive Life Coach with experience on 5 continents. In the past he was the in-house councillor for the petro-chemical company Sasol for 9 years.  He is known for his Transformational leadership programmes on Robben Island, titled the “Short Walk to Freedom”. He is a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) and past President of the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa and a member of the APSS (Asia Professional Speakers Singapore).  Currently he is heading up the Diversity Intelligence Institute, specializing in rolling out Diversity Intelligence interventions for international companies.   www.gustavgous.co.za , www.diviin.com , www.diversityconference.co.za    Gustav@gustavgous.co.za    Follow him on Twitter: @GustavGous  or on Facebook and LinkedIn .