Emotions Can Make Or Break You:
From Zinedine Zidane to Oscar Pistorius.
EQ as foundation of personal and business success
(Radically Revised version of an article that Appeared in
the Financial Mail: FM Mail Essentials 2013)
| |
by dr Gustav Gous
![]()
The other day I spoke to a prominent church leader who said they do not invite
any celebrities anymore to come a speak to their congregation, witnessing to
their faith. Reason why? Because, he said, there are so few who can handle
the fame, that many celebrities are just moments away from a fall. One moment
you put them forward as an example how to live, and the next moment you have
to do damage control. Their is some truth in this because the examples of
celebrities self-destructing are too numerous to ignore. I started to wonder
what are the root causes why celebrities very often build themselves up, but
then later on, pull themselves down again.
One answer can be that they do not have the strong foundation needed to be
able to carry the weight of fame. You need a serious dose of emotional
intelligence to be able to handle the world of fame when you are on top of your
game. But emotional intelligence is also needed just to handle normal daily life.
In this blog I state that one root cause for the downfall of many (celebrities and
people like you and me) is emotional intelligence, or the lack thereof.
Let's revisit and analyse two incidents the recent and not so recent past involving
Zinedine Zidane (the French soccer player) and Oscar Pistoius - the Bladerunner,
who became the 'Bladegunner' after shooting his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp.
Let's do it with the purpose, not to judge any person but to learn from their pain.
In my previous blog on ‘How to make sense out of a senseless killing’, I
propagated that some things are utterly meaningless but that you can create
meaning out of anything. But then only if you do not stay in shock about the
situation, or get stuck in wasteful voyeurism following every court procedure
and tweet about another dark secret, but ask the better question: What now?
And what can we learn from this? Only then can some sense flow from
horrendous tragedies.
Perhaps the most important take-away from the Zidane and Pretorius sages
is that all of us must be reminded to master our emotions. Emotions must
work for you – not against you. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is ‘about
Feel – Think – Act’. Importantly In that sequence. It is about thinking before
you act. My psychologist father’s voice echoes in my ear: “Think before you
act Gustav”. When I applied that advice – my life went well. All the problems
that I encountered in life, was a result of me ignoring that instruction. I coined
the EQ Mercedes Principle to honour his advice and use in Emotional
Intelligence workshops.
![]()
When you short circuit directly from’ feelings to actions’ – then the sparks fly.
Road rage is about: I feel threatened and I pull out my gun out and shoot.
A few years ago a South African petro-chemical company (Sasol) requested
me to do a series of Emotional Intelligence interventions in a business unit
after a foreman was shot when delivering a disciplinary note to an employee.
The worker felt threatened and emptied the magazine of his gun on the foreman.
He went directly from ‘feel’ to ‘act’. Cold blooded murder is when you even
have time to think (even only for a short few seconds or minutes), but that
you don’t think straight: You choose to stick to the wrong or immoral or
destructive option.
In Oscar’s case both scenarios from his (1) defense team and (2) from the
prosecuting authority’s side, points to the short circuiting from feeling to
action. 1. I felt threatened and I shot through the door without seeing the
burglar at any time 2. Or the state would like to prove that it was some form
of domestic violence: He felt angry about something and shot her in rage.
Both ways he is in trouble – just the depth varies. A cool head doesn’t
shoot easily. In both scenarios he went straight from feelings to action.
And if the state can prove their point and prove that there was time to think,
then it was premeditated murder.
It is obvious that Oscar’s situation must remind us all to master your
emotions. Without emotional intelligence you can ruin your life (and
the lives of others) in a split second. Handling adversity (overcoming a
disability and becoming an Olympic Champion) is great, but being able
to handle your emotions and control your temper is an even greater
achievement. Ask Zinedine Zidane, who head-butted Materazzi in a
moment or anger in the 2006 Soccer World Cup final. One moment
off madness, then a lifetime of sadness, losing sponsorships and
compromising a successful career. You can have all the talents and
intelligences in the world, but you haven’t mastered life if you cannot
take control of your emotions.
But it is not about Oscar or any other international soccer star from the
past who made mistakes. Rather ask yourself: Am I in control of my
emotions or do my emotions control me? Too many people use their
personality types as an excuse, or claim ‘temporary insanity’ to limit their
responsibility in a case. My point is: There are many people who
discovered their girlfriends had other loyalties, and didn’t shoot them.
Or had heated arguments, but didn’t resort to domestic violence, or
suspected that there were burglars in the house, but didn’t shoot
erratically. or had people insulting their sisters and mothers, but
didn't head-butted them. Why? Because they could hold their horses
when they had to. They are not loose cannons. Any motorcar driver
knows: Power is nothing without control. If you have strong emotions
like a sports car - it is your responsibility to go for advanced driving
lessons or anger management classes.
Emotional intelligence is about self motivation and self regulation - to
let your horses (energy) run. Sports people are highly motivated. They
follow the Nike add: Just do it. But it is also about self-regulation: To hold
your horses when you have to. One tweet recently stated: "Nike should
have told their athletes (Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong, Oscar Pistorius):
'Just don't do it'." Emotional control is to be able to hold back - not to do
it when you shouldn't.
There are no excuses: Anybody can control their emotions. Have you
seen a person aggressively arguing with another and his phone rings
with an urgent call from his most important sponsor? In a split second
the tone changes when he answers the phone in a professional and
controlled manner. So do not claim temporary insanity when you are
pressurised. Why can other people in similar situations handle their
emotions and you can’t? The call to action is: Master your emotions
because sustainable success is based on emotional intelligence.
How? A full blown seminar or course is needed - a blog can just point
out the need. (Feel free to contact me or any other service provider in
the field.) Without that (emotional intelligence training as a basis or
foundation for all the other intelligences), you can scuttle your other
intelligences/talents.
Emotional Intelligence the foundation of Diversity Intelligence:
Emotional intelligence is also the foundation or corner stone for all your
other intelligences but especially Diversity intelligence. Any encounter
with somebody that differs from yourself gives rise to strong emotions
in your inner being. Most people handle it through aggression, labeling,
racist or sexist jokes. If you have the ability to handle your initial emotions
in a diversity situation, you are free to explore options to creatively deal
with it.
Let’s use the Zinedine Zidane example and Oscar Pistorius case to
reflect on ourselves. Control what is within our control - especially our
emotions. In applying emotional intelligence, our relationships,
businesses, South Africa and the world, will be a better place.
Dr Gustav Gous (CSP) is an International Motivational Speaker and
Executive Life Coach with experience on 5 continents. In the past he
was the in-house councillor for the petro-chemical company Sasol
for 9 years. He is known for his Transformational leadership
programmes on Robben Island, titled the “Short Walk to Freedom”.
He is a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) and past President
of the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa and a
member of the APSS (Asia Professional Speakers Singapore).
Currently he is heading up the Diversity Intelligence Institute,
specializing in rolling out Diversity Intelligence interventions for
international companies. www.gustavgous.co.za , www.diviin.com ,
Follow him on Twitter: @GustavGous or on Facebook and LinkedIn .
|
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Emotions can make or break you: From Zinedine Zidane to Oscar Pistorius. EQ as foundation of Personal and Business Success
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Bladegunner: Making sense of a senseless killing: 4 Actions
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Take courage: CANcer CAN be beaten
Friday, January 20, 2012
Six feedback questions to improve personal performance.
Six feedback questions to improve personal performance.
Start by asking yourself the following six questions: What must I ....
1. # Continue to do. ...
2. # Do more (increase) ...
3. # Stop doing ...
4. # Do less (decrease) ...
5. # Do differently ... and
6. # Start doing ...
... to be more effective? Self evaluation is always a good starting point if you want to improve yourself in work and personal context. There is nothing wrong with a long hard critical look at yourself in the mirror. It can perhaps give you a fright but will not harm you – it can be the starting point for personal change. But it must not stop here. Because we all know that you have three selves:
- - the one you think you are
- - the one others think you are
- - and the one you really are ...
... you must also ask the above questions to a number of significant others to save you from being caught up in your own subjective perspective.
I was sitting earlier today with an executive coaching client, and shared in his very honest moment of answering these questions for himself. Afterwards he emailed the questions to his CEO, his coleagues on his level and to one or two trusted deputies.
We are awaiting the answers but I am sure it will help him tremendously in getting a fuller picture of who he is and where he must change: His personal growth agenda for the year.
Why don’t you do it too?
These questions can obviously also be used for 360 degree feedback in teams.
Dr Gustav Gous is an Executive Coach rendering service to blue chip clients in Africa, Europe and the Middle East. www.gustavgous.co.za Follow him on Twitter: GustavGous and on Facebook and LinkedIn. gustav@gustavgous.co.za
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Best team to work for: All the attributes.
Best team to work for: All the attributes. I recently sat with a group of HR professionals and asked them to think back to the best team they have ever worked in. We then tried to identify the elements that made it such a good team and experience. Perhaps you will find the list that we compiled interesting. Have a look and compare it with your list of the ideal team:
1 Strong leadership (Vision, direction, the leaders shows interest in you as a person).
2 Self directed team, made up of competent people who were motivated selfstarters, committed to the cause, people who took responsibility for their different tasks.
3 A team with a BIG purpose, you know you make a difference.
4 A crystal clear plan, with common goals: A game plan with realistic time lines.
5 A team that strives for success: They do things well, achieve targets with the resulting sense of achievement, and, very important, celebrate the big successes. (Mastery)
6 Every member has a personal growth plan with timelines: You get good feedback from the leader (and 360 feedback from colleagues) on your strengths and growth areas. All in all, you are encouraged to grow!
7 A clear career path or growth plan: When you achieve things, you get the promotion.
8 You are challenged in accordance with your talents and abilities and have autonomy to execute. You are allowed to be in charge, others have the freedom to help you.
9 Empowered to do your job: When you were new: They took your hand and ran with you.
10 You feel included – leadership and colleagues involve you, and include and expose you as a young leader to areas of the business beyond your level, in order to groom you.
11 Team members trusted each other.
12 You are free to express yourself: Allowed to think innovatively.
13 Quality of life: Work/life balance. You have a life while making a living.
14 You are valued as a team member.
15 Team members care for each other. They even give emotional support to each other. They become more than team: Become brothers/sisters and father figures for each other.
16 Good listeners: Open minded - even when opinions differ.
17 Honest with each other: Honest feedback.
18 Can talk about problems – have methods to handle conflict.
19 Leverage each others' strengths – use diversity of talents to compliment each other.
20 High energy levels.
21 Have fun together.
22 Attitude of ‘it is not about me’. The team, organization and higher purpose must be served.
24 Good support systems in the rest of the company.
25 Members coach each other at different levels and transfer skills: Go beyond a learning organization to a teaching organization! (With apologies to Jack Welch! - GG)
26 Can deal with cultural, gender and personality diversity – have the secret to create a ‘unity-in-diversity’ team.
27 Recognition and reward for performance (awarded according to your preference and personality type!).
Sounds a bit like an unrealistic utopia? Is it out of reach? No! There are winning teams around the globe who do get it right. They are the teams who win the cup/prizes/awards, and achieve the targets.
Feel free to use this checklist as a starting point for discussion at your next team building session. Please add missing elements, if you identify any, in the comments below!
Also feel free to contact me to assit to achieve some of the above in your team – especially the work/life balance; the diversity issues and the secrets of self-motivation. Also for team assessments. Dr Gustav Gous. www.gustavgous.co.za; www.diviin.com +27123455931 +27825657451 Follow me on LinkedIn: Gustav Gous Facebook: Gustav Gous Or Twitter: @GustavGous
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
80% of mergers & acquisitions fail. 5 things to do to make sure your merger succeed.
What is the reason why most mergers fail? My observation: Because the intelligences needed to design and construct a merger, differ vastly from the intelligences needed to make it work. The highly skilled people who think up and design these mergers do not necessarily have the second skill set to make it work.
Mergers fail not because of bad business plans but because of the inability to handle the people issues: Interviews in the KPMG study of over 100 senior executives involved in these 700 deals over a two-year period revealed that the overwhelming cause for failure "is the people and the cultural differences". A report from the Economist Intelligence Unit titled M&A Beyond Borders: Opportunities and Risk reveals that Organisational culture differences and human capital integration issues ranked as the two most significant challenges faced by respondents in recent transactions.
But let’s rather focus on the positive: The reason some mergers succeed, is because those involved have (and apply!) intelligences that the others don’t have. Let’s give it an umbrella name: “Merger Intelligence”. The good news is: The intelligences involved in ‘Merger Intelligence” can be acquired and learned by all involved in the merger.
Make a success of the following 5 merger tasks, and your will have a great chance of success:
1. A good TRANSACTION (A good business case and well structured deal)
2. Successful TRANSFORMATION (Successful restructuring and repositioning: Well designed new systems, policies, procedures and good decisions about leadership positions and staffing).
3. Smooth TRANSITION (A well designed process to facilitate transition: The emotional processes people go through to come to terms with the new situation. Their feet are in the new situation but their heads and hearts must follow.)
4. Capable INTERACTION (The ability to deal with different people and the different angles resulting from different corporate cultures).
5. New CORPORATE CULTURE CREATION (Ongoing process where you know how to create the new corporate culture, that will create the bottom line.
You need a lot of logical mathematical intelligence to structure a merger, but the intelligences needed to make it work is Diversity Intelligence (DQ) and also Emotional and Leadership intelligence (EQ and LQ). Diversity intelligence: to be able to interact well with people who differ from you - the ability to enjoy and employ diversity to work for you. Emotional intelligence: to be able to handle your own emotions in the change process. Leadership intelligence: to be able to read the inner motivations of your followers and steer that energy in the intended direction. It is to be able to lead your people into the promised land – the vision and reason why the owners decided on the merger in the first place.
There are well designed interventions available to assist you in this, and to empower you to use these intelligences. Feel free have a look at our Diversity Intelligence website www.diviin.com and to contact me directly at drgous@iafrica.com to open a conversation.
Looking forward to hearing from you. Gustav Gous



