We (the people) need better questions re the Oscar Pistorius trial.

We (the people) need better questions re the Oscar Pistorius trial.

What can we (or when will we ever) learn from the #Oscartrial?

Since the inception of the trial, I felt there must be more than knowing the facts of the trial and asking questions to determine that. There must be more. I wrote in my first blog on the subject:

“It will be sad if the only outcome is that we all turn once again into hungry voyeurs looking into the dirty linen of other people, devouring every new fact emerging in the run-up to, and playing out of the court case.  Everything in my being shouts out: There must be more to it. There must be some way to turn this tragedy into an opportunity, to create some sort of meaning out of this sad situation.

Instead of only trying to understand what happened, or crack the legal case, let’s rather decide to do things differently. In my consulting room I learnt that meaning is created not by understanding better, but by doing things differently. You do that by focussing on what is within your control: Your own life, and then do things differently.  Only then, the world can change for the better. It is insanity to expect different results from the same behaviour. But if you act differently your life, your relationships and even the world can become a better place, and tragedies due to your own doing can be prevented.

I write this cryptic blog a a preliminary note to myself on the ‘better questions’ to ask to get more value out of the time spent on the trial. The following themes are on top of my mind:

•  How good am I in handling emotions, anger, and fear? Do I have the emotional intelligence to do the right thing at the right time? Can I hold my horses when I have to?

•  Do I have unresolved anger in me – that, when pressurised – will come out?

•  Do I speak the truth or do I also only have a ‘version’?

•  If I always have a ‘version’ or a ‘take’ on things – am I open to learn or have I crossed the divide where I start to believe my own lies?

• The role of your family of origin?   Do they help me to cover up and get away with things or are they blatantly honest and help me grow? Is family pride more important than the truth?

• If I have power and fame – do I have the mental capacity to handle it? What can I do to make me strong to be able to handle it and prevent that I drift away in the self-delusional bubble of fame – suffering from a ‘God-complex’?

• Do I from time to time act as if I am above the law?

• Do I have the mental make-up to withstand and function under severe stress? Do I understand the stress process and the ways to handle it?

• Have I sorted out my unresolved issues from the past, or is the pain of the past still effecting my current behaviour negatively?

• There is more than one type of guilt. Is it good enough to be technically innocent (not legally guilty) – although morally or otherwise guilty?

• Is my public image (my Facebook image = ‘Fakebook’) image in line with my true self?

• If I am in a current relationship where there is some sort of abuse, to the extent that I fear the other party – why am I still in the relationship? Why don’t I get out immediately?

• As a society – why do we always want to put hero’s on a pedestal, and not allow them just to be honoured for the thing they do (throwing a ball through a hoop, or running fast, kicking a goal) instead of starting to ‘worship’ them as if they are more than human? Why can’t we find role models in ordinary people – single mom’s who make it, people who survived an illness, etc.

Dr Gustav Gous  is an International Motivational Speaker and 

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Executive Life Coach with experience on 5 continents. In the past he 

was the in-house counselor for the petro-chemical company Sasol 

for 9 years. He facilitated in numerous Trauma counselling sessions

after industrial accidents. He is known for his Transformational leadership 

programmes on Robben Island, titled the “Short Walk to Freedom”. 

He is a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) and past President 

of the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa and a 

member of the APSS (Asia Professional Speakers Singapore).  

Currently he is heading up the Diversity Intelligence Institute, 

specializing in rolling out Diversity Intelligence interventions for 

international companies.   www.gustavgous.co.za , www.diviin.com ,

www.diversityconference.co.za    gustav@gustavgous.co.za    drgous@iafrica.com

Follow him on Twitter: @GustavGous  or on Facebook and LinkedIn .